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Repressed..? Im not sure. But I knew I wanted to try it. By the end of the year if possible...When I split up with my ex weeks later it was the catalyst I needed.I started speaking to guys on here doing the usual sex chat. And it was fun for a while but I quickly realised I needed more. So I created a profile on a gay dating site. Within a week a local guy had contacted me. He was older, passive, half decent looking and available so we started messaging each other. Eventully we started talking on the phone. (I remember the first time I needed 4pints just to answer the phone) I was sooo nervous. We chatted daily for weeks but I sensed something wasnt quite right. I stood him up twice. After that I wondered whether I was ever going to do it. And whether to just give up.Back to XHamster I came. And all that happened was my desires got stronger and stronger until I couldnt think about anything else. I was talking to guys but getting nowhere with a view to meeting them. And I was suprised. I opened the big doors for the last time, went around the edges with a generous bead of construction adhesive and dogged them shut. Then I locked them with a big padlock and mutilated the keys. I hadn't planned for air-flow. I had to put a small air intake with spring-loaded louvers in the mud room. The bathroom ended up with three switches--light, vent and radiant heater. I didn't carpet the place. I used 2x2 foot stick-on tiles over double-primed plywood. Later I'd scatter rugs everywhere. It had been almost a week since the fire. I finally slept in my own bed. Damn, it felt good.The next day I headed back to the old apartment to see if I'd left anything important. It gave me pause when I saw a woman sitting on a concrete brick in the drizzle with the remains of a burned-up computer in her arms, crying steadily She was wearing a stocking cap and half her face was covered in bandages. She was wearing sweat pants that looked pretty bulky. Soot streaked her bandages and covered both.
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